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I know the ways which lead to the bottom just to well.... And how do you know you reached it? Here is some knowledge from auntie interfearia: nothing can TRULY hurt you again.
I have burnt all my bridges IRL, I have nothing and no one to go back to. It is sad when you are as young as I am. And I know the light which struggles to shine, for mine lost the fight. I just hang between all of this, while every day is a sign that the time has stopped....
I've said good bye before, but something made me stay... Well, that was a mistake.
I still be watching the ones I love and I will do your requests and everything. I just won't do anything more than that.
You all know just to well that I have everything I do. Deep down I hate it. I only do it because it makes you happy. I've been doing so much for some of you and only got shit in return.
However, here is the thing: I never expect anything back. I don't to anything to have something in return, not above some respect and a smile. Such a shame these are non-existent in the world. Not as much as the world needs.
Today, and last month in general, has showed me how hateful, egoistic, egocentric, narcissistic and just evil people are. Not like I didn't know it before - I just hoped it is worth lying to yourself that this is not the case.
The thing is, I am still on the one-woman mission to save the world. I am your Granny Padlina (or interfearia if you prefer), it's just that I won't try those who evidently prefer ignorance.
Do you know when you try to make things better and just explain them? Yeah. Do you know how people don't want to listen, because they prefer to dwell in their misery, not being able to admit to themselves that they made a mistake? I decided not to give a good god damn about that.
I know you know what I'm talking about, we had our own little thing... And I'm glad we wanted to listen to each other. I don't know what I would do without your, yours and nobody else's in this case, support.
Look guys, it is really not the best time for me. I'm on antidepressants again, tripled the dose so that 600mg. Yeah, you hear right. I'm on 600mg.
I've been really suicidal again lately... For various reasons.... I just don't want you to wake up one day and read that sad story that "our fellow member has passed away." I really don't. I am not sure why I'm telling you this. I just... Don't want you to be surprised? I don't know.
I know you think I have everything - I am talented, pretty, I study in Oxford, I have parents and friends who love me - I know my life is beautiful. It's just... I wish it was that easy you know.
I've been cutting again. For the first time since March. Something has gone really wrong...
Also, I decided to stop eating until I can fit size 4 again. I just threw away most of my food. Almost all of it. I have bulimia, too.
And you know what? Being all alone for Christmas, having no family no friends, absolutely no one, does not feel great.
Nele my buddy bitch! I still can't believe they've taken the group from you. Come on, let's get ours going at last! I love you girl
Hate it. I will always be on your side.
Seven, I just want you to know how much I actually care about you, how honoured I am to know you. I also want you to know that I would trust you with whole my life. I know it's... Pathetic, but I mean it.
I am here and I love you. I am sorry I cannot be there. Just talk to me, don't be as silly as some people, and don't get upset. And don't, don't you dare blame yourself or I will be after you. And the two people I mentioned above, they will be too. Love you so much
To everyone else who supported me - thank you. I would probably be dead without you.
fuck I just slit my leg..... >.< I hate myself.