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I know the ways which lead to the bottom just to well.... And how do you know you reached it? Here is some knowledge from auntie interfearia: nothing can TRULY hurt you again.
I have burnt all my bridges IRL, I have nothing and no one to go back to. It is sad when you are as young as I am. And I know the light which struggles to shine, for mine lost the fight. I just hang between all of this, while every day is a sign that the time has stopped....
I've said good bye before, but something made me stay... Well, that was a mistake.
I still be watching the ones I love and I will do your requests and everything. I just won't do anything more than that.
You all know just to well that I have everything I do. Deep down I hate it. I only do it because it makes you happy. I've been doing so much for some of you and only got shit in return.
However, here is the thing: I never expect anything back. I don't to anything to have something in return, not above some respect and a smile. Such a shame these are non-existent in the world. Not as much as the world needs.
Today, and last month in general, has showed me how hateful, egoistic, egocentric, narcissistic and just evil people are. Not like I didn't know it before - I just hoped it is worth lying to yourself that this is not the case.
The thing is, I am still on the one-woman mission to save the world. I am your Granny Padlina (or interfearia if you prefer), it's just that I won't try those who evidently prefer ignorance.
Do you know when you try to make things better and just explain them? Yeah. Do you know how people don't want to listen, because they prefer to dwell in their misery, not being able to admit to themselves that they made a mistake? I decided not to give a good god damn about that.
Look guys, it is really not the best time for me. I'm on antidepressants again, tripled the dose so that 600mg. Yeah, you hear right. I'm on 600mg.
I've been really suicidal again lately... For various reasons.... I just don't want you to wake up one day and read that sad story that "our fellow member has passed away." I really don't. I am not sure why I'm telling you this. I just... Don't want you to be surprised? I don't know.
I know you think I have everything - I am talented, pretty, I study in Oxford, I have parents and friends who love me - I know my life is beautiful. It's just... I wish it was that easy you know.
I've been cutting again. For the first time since March. Something has gone really wrong...
Also, I decided to stop eating until I can fit size 4 again. I just threw away most of my food. Almost all of it. I have bulimia, too.
And you know what? Being all alone for Christmas, having no family no friends, absolutely no one, does not feel great.
Nele my buddy bitch!
Hate it. I will always be on your side.
Seven,
To everyone else who supported me - thank you. I would probably be dead without you.
fuck I just slit my leg..... >.< I hate myself.







you know.. you aren't the only person in the world who honestly wants to improve the world. It doesn't have to be a one-woman-mission. It's just a matter of believing it.. there is so much more to the world than the cruelness of some..
i hope you will find how beautiful the world can be, one day. please, won't you keep looking..
I wish you the best!
See, that's the part people don't understand.... I know it is beautiful, deep down. I just don't want to live. I just don't. I lack that basic vital survival drive.
It´s sad how things turned out for you. You´re such a wonderful person - don´t say no, I know that. It would be okay, if you (would) leave da, facebook and so on, if I´d know, you´d be as lucky as you can be than. And yeah, it´s fucked up to be all alone these days, too bad you´re so far away...
With friends it really is a weird thing. Another friend of mine used to clean out their friends like the trash on the desk - I was happy I survived. ^^
Honestly, I wish you feel better very soon, and that it stays that way. Best wishes and hug from the heart,
Angelo.
I hate myself in situations like this, because I can't find the words I so badly want to say.
I enjoy your company a lot, you're very intellegent and fun to talk to! God, I wish... I wish I could do something, but... damm.
Ask if anything! I will still be watching you!
I will be here to check your deviations and everything, of course! How could I just ... leave like that, the nice people like you!?
W każdym razie trzymaj się! :Hug:
Mam wielką nadzieję, że wszystko się dla Ciebie jak najlepiej ułoży
Swego czasu też miałam problemy ze sobą, ale one nauczyły mnie, że trzeba się cieszyć. Mam nadzieję, że Twoje problemy skończą się i że będziesz mogła się uśmiechać. Masz ode mnie wielkiego huga
[link]
deviantART muro drawing
Oj, jeden problem sie konczy, pojawia sie drugi... To juz nawet nie o to chodzi, ja nie chce pomocy ani zadnego odzewu co do tego tak w zasadzie... Moze proboje sie wytlumaczyc, jezeli juz?
Ehh, dluga historai....
Dziekje :*
a ten koles to co to kurwa xD